We're on a mission to sue the Sun

For years, the Sun has been burning us all with it's terrible death rays and crazy endless particle streams...and what's it done for us in return? Nobody should have to suffer under this - it's time we revolted.

Are you with us?

Are you willing to take the ultimate journey?

Will you join us on our mission to sue the Sun?

Reasons

When we take the Sun to court, its lawyer is going to have to work his butt off to cover for all these blemishes:

It makes people get glasses/go blind when they look directly at it
It makes people sunburnt
It gives skin cancer to people
It causes A-Parade tans
It's stealing the Moon's glory
It doesn't let you see it's surface
You can't see planets/stars during the day because of it
It creates deserts
It's not hot enough
It puts holes in people's shoes when they hold a magnifying glass over them for too long
It kills albinos
It made some races black, but didn't share it around
It stole the centre of the Solar System
It provided a haven for the organic compounds that eventually created James
Sunlight reflects off things and makes people run into poles
It's going to explode in 5 and a half billion years' time and kill us all
It casts shadows
It doesn't cast enough shadows and doesn't make them cool enough
It makes leap years which fuck up calendars
It taunts us with night
It doesn't keep you warm enough in Winter
It should make it day time everywhere at once - it's not good enough
Solar energy is taking over nuclear energy
Bryn wants the moon
Solar wind would have wasted us all if Earth hadn't revolted and formed a magnetic field
It makes solar flares (prominences) that cause problems on Earth
It doesn't make the Warm Wall as pleasurable in Summer

From this list it's pretty obvious that our nearest stellar neighbour isn't all it's cracked up to be - and not only that, it's slacking off and not being good enough.

Demands

Our demands are simple - the Sun must fix up all the beforementioned flaws, or we will blow it up. Think about how much better off we'll be after the Sun is gone; no more greenhouse gas problems, no more worrying about the ozone layer. After all the time I've been on Earth, the Sun has never done one good thing for me.

After much discussion, we have decided we will settle for 2 planets - Saturn and Mars, it has to make Pluto a planet again and then surrender it to us (Bryn gets the moon), and the Sun has to make it night time for at least 22 hours a day, and Winter for 98% of the year.

OK, I'll admit the Sun gave us life, and we would be dead without it. But with all of these problems around, is there really any point in living anyway?

Prosecution Activists

Sue the Sun Day

I am very pleased to announce that you can now celebrate your favourite suing event every year, on the 4th of February. What can I do to get the most out of my day, you ask? I'm a pretty easy going guy, and I don't think getting 53 new people (for each person) to sign up to sue the Sun on that day is too much to ask for. Think of it like a pyradmid scheme, only you get nothing out of it.

Do your best to promote the suing of this terrible beast, we all know it needs a good kick in the rear and for the first time in your life you can finally help get back at it.

Theme Song

Sue the Sun, 'cause it gives you sunburn
Sue the Sun, 'cause it makes the world turn

Sue the Sun, 'cause Bryn wants the moon
Sue the Sun, 'cause he wants it soon

We're still having fun 'cause we're suing the Sun

Sue the Sun, 'cause it taunts us with night
Sue the Sun, 'cause we're sick of it's light

Sue the Sun, 'cause it kills albinos
Sue the Sun, 'cause it creates shadows

We're still having fun 'cause we're suing the Sun

Sue the Sun, 'cause it creates desserts
Sue the Sun, 'cause you can't see the planets

Sue the Sun, 'cause im sure you agree
Sue the Sun, and you'll be happy

We're still having fun 'cause we're suing the Sun
We're still having fun... and we're suing the Sun

Join the team

Are you interested in taking the ultimate journey, to sue our almighty Sun? Eternal peace and tranquillity is only 2 or 3 clicks and half a dozen minutes of typing away - just fill out the convenient form below.

Are you still not convinced? Then watch this legit cartoon about suing the Sun... even the Sun wanted to sign up after watching it.

Are you still still not convinced? Well apparently NOTHING will ever convince you and you will go through life a miserable human being.

Note: I have to go through and manually add each new activist because I have no idea how to set it up to automatically add people (and it prevents spammers from getting away with it).

Last updated: 19^th January 2009